There was always a part of me that wanted to hide itself. A part of me that I suppose I pushed down, afraid to be misunderstood or out of place. I dimmed my light to fit in and to feel like I wasn’t different. I always felt that there was something more to this life than just the physical human self that I was conditioned to believe. I was always mindful and introspective in my thinking and reflections and found myself to be a very aware child. This awareness grew as I got older.
I have always been sensitive however not in the sense that I showed my sensitivities. I allowed myself to not be ‘bothered’ by remarks made by others, not showing anyone that I was affected by much. This worked very much to my detriment as the years rolled on. As an empath with very open boundaries, I always took on energies both positive and negative. An Empath is particularly susceptible to taking on toxic energy as their boundaries are open. A build up of emotion and energy becomes trapped in the body which at some point a person must shed.
As I was afraid to speak my truth I didn’t express what I believed in, so instead I absorbed, absorbed and absorbed for many years. Until I was 23 when I cracked. This was the beginning of the process of shedding many layers, layers of an old self that needed to be ridded in order for me to step into my light, to shine and fulfil my purpose. I was always intrigued by spirituality and understood it in theory, whilst embodying some experience of transcended states of being through my TM meditation practice. Although, this got me through a few layers, there was certainly a lot more layers and false beliefs systems to get through.
My trip to India last year being the catalyst for a very scary few months of fear, anxiety, depression and insomnia. I see it now as a very intense shake up and wake up to get me onto my path of my purpose. I live now constantly seeking authenticity, shedding the old layers, connecting back to my spirit, connecting back to a force that is more powerful than me, and allowing the flow of the Universe to take me for a ride. I now have chosen not to resist what feels right and what doesn’t. I now consciously tune into the feelings that are arising for me. And, although this choice may feel painful at times, to close my heart and disconnect would feel far more scary.
So, I have chosen this journey in search of my truth. I promise myself to keep my heart open and to shine the light to show others that it is safe to shine theirs too.